I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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