So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
