Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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