i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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