I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize