Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
