im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
