So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
