Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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