It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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