highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
This is the high leading the old right now
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
