I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
