i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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