do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize