walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
