the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
