haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I cut my penus on the lid.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
