I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
