Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
