When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
