I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
