That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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