Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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