sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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