I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
