Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
