...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
