Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just googled if crying burns calories
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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