Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
