my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize