Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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