I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
