I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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