Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
