Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
