I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
