dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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