Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
