Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
