i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
