Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
this hospital has no fireball
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
