do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
