I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
