i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
