so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
