The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize