She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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