I could have mohawked her pubes.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
