A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
