I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
