Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
