all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
