I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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