I'm jealous of your bromance
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
