Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
