WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I looked at my own cervix.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
