If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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