cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
