im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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