Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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