Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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