plz talk dirty to me
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
