Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
