There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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