Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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