I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
