Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
