Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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