im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
