And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
