I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
