this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
