I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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