I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
