You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
