Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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